Where’s Your Plan, Greta?

Obviously, I believe in climate change. I mean, OBVIOUSLY. And obviously I think something must be done about it. OBVIOUSLY. It’s a very serious issue and it needs to be dealt with as soon as possible. That’s my opinion, as a columnist and intellectual.

But in saying that something must be done about it, it is also crucial to stress that I don’t know what that something is, and neither does anyone else. In particular, I should stress, Greta Thunberg and all her foolish juvenile delinquent followers who keep wagging school don’t know. They have no idea. Not once have any of them so much as suggested a single thing that can be done to combat climate change, and I know this to be true because if they had, I am sure I would’ve heard about it — I am extremely media-savvy.

The problem is that climate change is big and complicated, and children are small and simple, so you can see how the two do not mesh. When it comes to climate change, I prefer to listen to what the scientists say. What that might be, I have no idea, because I am humble enough to recognise that I am not a scientist and so it is none of my business.

Greta Thunberg could do with a slice of this kind of humility, but instead she goes around demanding that everyone do as she says. And what does she want us to do? Well, she won’t tell us, will she? All she spouts is glib slogans, like “how dare you”, “you have stolen my childhood”, “ I would like to refer to page 108, chapter 2 in the latest IPCC report” and so on. What does that even mean, “the latest IPCC…