Tonight, on the Patriotic Broadcasting Corporation
The below is a draft evening schedule for the soon-to-launch Patriotic Broadcasting Corporation, as outlined by Senator Brian Burston
6pm: PBC Nightly News. News and views from around the world. Today: an exclusive interview with Andrew “Twiggy” Forrest on how metal made Australia great, while Andrew Bolt reports from the front lines of the culture war, and discovers it’s over and we won. Later, our global wrap-up illustrates the comparative inadequacy of the wider world. And as always, Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull delivers his daily report on the increasing smoothness of things’ running.
6.30pm: The Mainstream Project. Gold Logie-winning journalist Waleed Aly sits quietly in the corner while the rest of the panel have a nice chat about things real Australians are interested in.
7pm: Million Dollar Mates. Eddie McGuire hosts the hit game show where everyday Aussies compete to win big cash prizes by seeing who can shout the word “MATE” at Eddie the loudest.
7.30pm: The Block. Five couples compete for the Great Australian Dream of home ownership — each couple is assigned one area of a block of flats and must lobby the government to pass a law preventing the Chinese from buying it.
8.30pm: The Mainstream Girl. Jessica Marais stars as Lily, an attractive white career woman who falls in love with a successful Aboriginal chef. Together they prove that women and ethnics can actually achieve anything they want if they’d just stop whining and apply themselves a bit. Guest-starring Erik Thomson as Rupert Murdoch.
9.30pm: Go Back Where You Came From: Six prominent Australians meet real asylum seekers, and help them see how strong border protection laws benefit us all, before driving them to the airport.
10.30pm: P&A: Patriots and Agreement. Chris Kenny hosts the patriotic adaptation of the beloved interactive format. Australian patriots in the audience tell Chris their favourite thing about Australia, and Chris agrees enthusiastically. On the panel this week: Rita Panahi, Greg Sheridan, Rowan Dean and Agro.
11.30pm: The Hanson Hour. This 30-minute show features Governor-General Pauline Hanson reading excerpts from her favourite works of literature. Tonight: A Feeling In My Waters: The Noeline Donaher Story.
Midnight-6pm: Lee Kernahan Video Marathon.
