I wish I could grieve the way they do in romantic comedies. Curl up at home and cry loud and hilariously. Sit in my underwear and stare at the TV with hollow eyes, a comical cliche.

I wish I could grieve in romcom style because romcom heroes only think they’ve lost everything. They’re funny because we know they haven’t. They don’t make romantic comedies about people who really have lost everything. Romcom heroes lose their jobs and have a better one two hours later. Romcom heroes lose their girlfriend in order that they can meet The One and realise they never really loved the first one anyway.