Poem of the Day: Henry VIII

When Henry VIII sent dick pics to Jane Seymour

The text read “Hope to ‘Seymour’ of you too”

And Jane she laughed coquettishly at her sovereign’s bawdy charm

And blushed as she thought of the day

When that royal member would be hers

She sent back a picture of her own

And Henry couldn’t tell exactly what it was

She had zoomed in far too close on whatever part of herself

She chose to expose

But he knew that no matter what the lady had shown him

It was terribly saucy

And so he was satisfied as he leaned back in his throne

And took a bite of the enormous turkey in his hand

He was sure that Jane would be the one to bear him a son

Just as Jane was sure that Henry would be the one

To suffer from severe gout

Both were right

But how could either have known

That just a few short centuries after they showed off their bits

Thomas Edison would steal the idea for the lightbulb

The fact is: they could not have.