My Day, By A Writer
Ever wondered just how a writer spends their day? If you’re the kind of person who is absolutely fascinated by the minutiae of the lives of people who have decided they’re more interesting than everyone else, you’ll love this Writer’s Diary, which sets out in thrilling detail just what a fulfilling yet incredibly difficult job it is to put the thoughts and feelings of humanity into words.
9am: Wake up. Lie in bed for a while, because the weight of my responsibility to the human condition makes moving quickly difficult. Gaze appreciatively at a songbird on the windowsill, its sweet warbling a testament to the beautiful simplicity of the animal kingdom. Ah, to know such innocence! Sometimes, I think, people would be better as birds. Make a note of this thought in the pad I keep by my bedside.
10am: Get out of bed and turn on the computer. Muse briefly on the paradox that technology unites us while simultaneously alienating us from each other. Make a note of this thought in the pad I keep by my computer. Open up Facebook to post about how difficult writing is. Open up Twitter. Tweet, “Hoping for a productive day procrastinating LOL #amwriting”. Switch back to Facebook to post about how despite the difficulty of writing, I manage to do it successfully and am very proud of myself. Switch back to Twitter to tweet, “Gee don’t you love it when you realise your first three chapters have to be completely rewritten? #sarcasm #amwriting”. Gaze appreciatively at pictures of cats for an hour or so.
12am: Lunch, well-deserved after a hard morning’s work. Open Facebook to post about how well-deserved my lunch is. Tweet, “The writer’s life is one of agonising choices: pizza or burger? LOL #amwriting”. Eat.
2pm: Blog passionately regarding my responsibility. Make it clear that I don’t consider myself a hero, I am just an ordinary person blessed with a gift. If anything, I think the real heroes are the people working in dirty jobs like cleaners and plumbers are nurses. It is their stories I wish to tell: their words I wish to turn into poetry. Make a note of this on the pad I keep next to the pad I keep next to my computer. Finish my blog post with, “Though it is often hard and frequently comes close to breaking me with its bitter, urgent demands, I would not trade the life of a writer for anything. I do not choose to write: I must write.” Gaze appreciatively at my own work for a while.
3pm: Eat some biscuits. Tweet, “Tim Tams are my spirit animal #amwriting”.
3.30pm: Get to work on the novel. As always become filled with quiet awe at just how impressive the main character’s story arc is. It is a truly heroic journey of self-awareness for the shy, gentle, brilliant yet underappreciated struggling writer I have created. His efforts to have those around him understand him — even love him — are sometimes in vain, and yet they are never wasted, for they form the tapestry of the story that I am gifting to the world. Wonder briefly whether my hero’s combination of intelligence, talent, attractiveness, social conscience and wry wit is slightly unrealistic. Solve the problem by giving him a crooked nose. Details are what make the story come alive.
4.30pm: It’s quittin’ time, but gotta push on because am almost finished chapter eight, the one where brilliant writer Ken puts his principles before money but then gets rich anyway. Post Facebook status about how hard I work but how it’s all worth it. Tweet, “Will this ever END? #exhausted #amwriting”.
5pm: Finish chapter eight. Write brief blog post about the incredible thrill of feeling a character speak through you, and how the unimaginable privilege of being chosen a the conduit for that character’s story makes all the sacrifice and pain worthwhile.
5.30pm: Order Indian food. Tweet photo of it with caption “#amwriting”. Muse deeply on the complexities of cultural appropriation. Make note of this on pad I keep next to my plate.
6pm: Fall asleep.
