Masterchef Recap: The Purge

So after a week of fun and frolics, Masterchef tonight gets serious. I mean, not actually serious. Not serious in the sense of something that matters: serious in the sense of “one of the people cooking on TV won’t get to cook on TV again for a while”. But within those parameters, it’s very serious indeed, as this is the first elimination challenge of the new season.

We begin with those immortal words of Katy Perry: “You’re hot then you’re cold/You’re toast then you’re mold/You’re in then you’re out/You’ve got severe gout”. And thus to Masterchef HQ, where Callum ascends the stairs to the balcony, to indicate his status as the Good One.

The judges instruct the contestants to stand at their benches and not touch the boxes thereon. Rose immediately starts to open her box and has to be yelled at, because she is Rose.

Andy notes that there is an elephant in the room: his lack of qualifications for his job. But also, there is Dani’s immunity pin: will she use it at the first opportunity to ensure a few more days? No, she won’t. That was cleared up quickly.

Melissa brings up the other elephant in the room: the gift box that Gordon Ramsay left behind as he scurried out of the kitchen to have a shower. It is generally assumed that within the box lies the ultimate ingredient: the preserved penis of Napoleon Bonaparte. Sadly, this is not true: instead, Gordon has left behind perhaps the least interesting gift possible. Inside each contestant’s box is a timer, with ninety minutes on it.