Masterchef Recap: The Fast and the Spurious

The moment we’ve been waiting for ever since we found out how weird the format was is here: the immunity challenge. Lynton, Callum and Ginger Sarah in a brutal three-way battle to save themselves from the horrors of elimination, which based on proceedings thus far will take place sometime in June.

We begin with slow-motion footage of the trio voicing affirmations of their desire to win. It seems fairly early in the season for this: the stakes aren’t all that high, and they come off as drama queens. Stop making such a big deal of a first-week immunity challenge, guys.

Slow mournful music alerts us to the sobering reality: someone has died in the Masterchef kitchen. Wait, no, it was just a really bad choice of music. Actually everything’s fine. The three contestants enter HQ, where Melissa asks them, “How good is Gordon Ramsay Week?” None of them answer: they just clap, showing that it’s not just the audience that never listens to Melissa.

Gordon, knowing he only has one more day in this dump before he gets to go home, is in a good mood. The challenge for the trio today will be to keep up with him: he will cook in front of them and they have to follow his lead, finishing ten seconds after he does. It sounds difficult, but you have to remember the three contestants have been cooking all week: Gordon Ramsay hasn’t cooked anything himself since 2004.

The people on the balcony laugh mockingly at the difficulty of the challenge, but I don’t know why: those losers…