Masterchef Recap: Spice Like Us

Previously on Masterchef: the amateurs had a picnic at Hanging Rock, following tradition exactly by vanishing mysteriously in an expression of repressed sexuality.

Tonight on Masterchef: Maggie Beer refuses to leave.

Seven losers are dressed in black and facing their worst fear: returning to their families. The whole show is just Stockholm Syndrome. Abbey feels like yesterday she disappointed herself and her team, but she’s forgotten that she also disappointed her family, her friends and her nation. She let us all down.

Benches are set up in the Masterchef garden. If these people won’t willingly go out and give the producers hours of garden footage, they will be forced to do so. The judges are waiting with Maggie Beer, the well-known chaos demon. Christina is happy to be in an elimination with Maggie, as Maggie is such a warm, happy person that Christina relishes the chance to be crushed by her opinion.

Sandeep is wearing his immunity pin, and will use it in order to rest his back. Which is only fair given he wasn’t even in yesterday’s challenge, due to that same back. Gary tells him to go away and lie in a ditch or something.

The first round of elimination will require the losers to celebrate the garden. This should be easy: some balloons, a cool playlist, get the beers in.

Unfortunately, “celebrate the garden” means they have to make something with herbs from the garden, literally pulled out of the filthy ground and covered in…