Masterchef Australia S12 E10 Recap — The Comforts of Failure

With Asian Sarah having confirmed that, as we had all suspected, she is the best Sarah, all the non-Sarahs, plus Ginger Sarah, are up for elimination, facing the dreadful punishment of being able to return to their normal lives and leverage the publicity boost the show has given them for their businesses.

“Everyone sacrificed so much to be here,” Poh lies to the camera. As always, mendacity is the beating black heart of Masterchef.

The contestants enter the kitchen and find a TV screen. On the TV screen, Andy is filming himself having breakfast. It is baffling, and nobody has the slightest idea what’s going on. Andy goes on to buy some tacos. Explanations remain absent. Andy goes home and barbecues a steak before zooming in and out drunkenly on a pot of anchovy sauce. Thus is Andy’s “day on a plate”. Next we have to sit through Melissa’s day on a plate. “If I could eat pasta every day, I probably would,” she says. You can, Melissa! You’re a celebrity, you can do whatever the fuck you want.

Lastly, obviously, we watch Jock’s day on a plate, which involves making pasta and a small child that may or may not be his. The whole exercise is a clever, yet extremely dull, way of padding out the episode’s running time.

Eventually, God be praised, the video is over, and the judges walk into the kitchen to explain why they’ve wasted everyone’s time with this interminable wank. But first, they must ask Dani if she’ll use her immunity pin. “You…