Masterchef Australia Recap: A Pin Drops

Aaaaand…we’re back. Back with the show that taught Australians that food wasn’t just something you throw in the bin: you can also eat it. It’s Masterchef, but not as you know it.

The premiere begins with a look back at the memorable moments of Masterchef seasons past, when the dishes were judged by three men whose identities have been lost in the mists of time. We cut to the new judges: two men and a woman whose identities are lost in the mists of now. One of them is Andy who was on Masterchef once. One of them is a woman who has the internet at home. One of them is some guy who cooks or something.

Luckily, in the absence of judges who anyone wants to watch, popular contestants from previous seasons have returned to delight us with their wacky antics once again. These include favourites such as Poh, Callum, Reynold, whatsherface, and thingy, not to mention that guy.

The returnees enter Masterchef HQ, where they find Gordon Ramsay, who has been living here since his wife threw him out. Scrambling to pay the wages bills of his failed restaurants, Ramsay has taken the job of harassing the contestants for the first week, to ease us into the new era of Masterchef.

Ramsay introduces the new judges in such a way as to falsely imply that he knows who they are. Jock Zonfrillo, Melissa Leong, Andy Allen: three legends whose names will live in infamy. “What a lineup,” Ramsay says, shamelessly, willing to say anything for money.

“What do you look for in a chef?” Ramsay asks Jock.

“Honesty,” Jock replies. This is the wrong answer: he should have said, “the ability to cook food that tastes good.”

Ramsay compliments Melissa on her articles, which coming from him sounds a lot like an insult. “This is the who’s who of Masterchef Australia,” Melissa says, a claim that is patently untrue, given that an actual who’s who of Masterchef Australia would include people who had won it.

Jock informs the returnees of their first task: cook a dish that’s worthy of winning the competition. This should save a lot of time, completing the series within the first episode. But there’s more: not only will the best dish today win the entire series, it will also win an immunity pin. Seems a bit redundant, but maybe I’ve misunderstood the premise of the task.

Andy explains that this will be the only immunity pin available for the entire series. Everyone gasps…