I Wish I Wasn’t

I wish I wasn’t fat or ugly, slow or dumb or gross or dull

I wish I wasn’t strange or shy or big or awkward or a bore

I wish I wasn’t worse than him or worse than her or them or you

I wish I wasn’t stupid as I am or less than I ever was

I wish I wasn’t big enough for people to see how bad I am

I wish I wasn’t weak enough for every day to break me again

I wish I wasn’t boring you with every second you spend with me

I wish I wasn’t the most revolting thing you ever could have dreamed

I wish I wasn’t useless for anything anyone might need me for

I wish I’d noticed myself becoming nothing, years before