Application for Appearance on your show etc.

To Whom It May Concern,

I hope this finds you well. I am writing to apply to appear on your TV show/radio show/movie/play/stand-up comedy showcase/hit musical/podcast/festival panel. I believe I am the perfect candidate to participate in the aforementioned production, and will bring great wit/humour/pathos/intelligence/stupidity/physical comedy/insight/controversy to the event, which will assist you in selling tickets/gaining high ratings/trending on Twitter/generating awards season buzz.

I have great experience in the field of comedy/drama/musical theatre/public speaking/improv/dance/political debate, and I have been greatly acclaimed/condemned/beloved for my abilities in this area. I can guarantee I will add value to your project and make it stronger by my presence and the unique brand of comedy/wordplay/acting/writing/singing/fighting that I bring to the table.

I have also long been a fan/admirer/lover/supporter/stalker of yours, and your work has inspired/amused/excited/energised/nauseated me for many years. As such, working with you on (insert name of show etc here) would be a dream come true/the fulfilment of a long-held ambition/the greatest day of my life bar none/good.

I know that you are a busy man/woman/child/puppet/capitalist, and so I apologise if I have distracted you unduly from your usual duties. But I think it is important that one chase one’s dreams/aspirations/creditors, and it is equally important that someone in your position/condition/cell always be looking for the very best people to work with in order to make a product of the highest quality. I submit, with respect, that I am the person who can help you make that product. With me on board, your TV show/radio show/movie/play/stand-up comedy showcase/hit musical/podcast/festival panel will shine like never before and you will not be sorry you gave me a chance. We can help each other, and I hope that you live up to your reputation for believing in new talent/taking a punt on the unknown/recognising genius when you see it/paying people extremely well, and give me that chance to impress you — a chance is all I ask. Given that, I will do the rest.

Thank you for your time. I enclose a headshot of myself demonstrating my smouldering good looks/grotesque yet magnetic ugliness/rugged everyman appeal/traumatic life up to now/nose. I await with eagerness your reply.

Yours etc,

Ben Pobjie (triple threat)